Life of a Fire Wife

Rubber Duckie, You’re The One!

Ahhhh…the simple things in life.  A favorite blankie.  The rubber duckie.  A simple, quaint children’s toy, right?  Well, in the hands of a twisted mind……not so much.

I am a member of a really large organization which, at various times of the year, holds major product sales related fund-raisers.  The program exists because of these sales and we tend to take them very seriously.  Our very survival in this economy depends on them.  Our members have rules that must be followed – very strict rules.  Some believe that a lot of the rules are very outdated, but nonetheless they are rules.  Those who follow the rules seem to take a sick pride in “busting” those who don’t.  Really, I think it’s the thrill of the chase….but I digress.

I was sitting at my desk at work this morning when my friend called me.  She was laughing hysterically.  She had stumbled upon a blog in which someone was breaking a cardinal rule – **gasp** – selling the products online.  Yes, I know – hard to believe.  (**smirk**)  The woman posted a picture of her darling daughter, and even gave the girls’ first name and the part of the country they live in.  She announced the product sale, offered her Paypal account address, etc.  This is a very big no-no.  But the next entry in the blog….

It was a sex toy review.

Yep – you read that right.  She reviewed a sex toy.  A sex toy in the form of a rubber duckie.   A rubber duckie outfitted as a pirate……complete with eye patch and removable pirate hat.  It comes packaged in a satin lined treasure chest.  (*insert vulgar remark here*  I know you have one!)

Now at first I am dumb-struck.  speechless.  Then I start to feel violated.  Kind of icky!  The organization has the reputation of being very wholesome and dignified – and she is a member!  **double sarcastic gasp**  Then I feel like a peeping tom – after all, she was pretty detailed in her description of duckie’s “features” and her experiences with it when she “test drove” it.  (I know you’re dying for me to post the link, but I’m not going to.)

After a while, though, it starts to get funny.  Can’t you just see the whole product line now?  A rubber chicken that’s anything but “kosher”.  It gives an entirely different meaning to “erector set.”  Don’t even get me started on “play date.”   And what if the kids found it?  “Mommy, why does your rubber duckie use batteries?” or “Can I use this in my bath tonight? And can I use his special lotion too?”

I’ll never look at a rubber duckie the same way again……..


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